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Talk:Viknar Alexander
Forgive me if this seems like splitting hairs or pushing unessential detail in parts. As this is your first application and you're applying for an advanced rank, I want to make sure all bases are covered adequately, and that you (and Viknar) have a clear understanding off the fluff. If you feel the need to contest any of the below, by all means, please discuss as much with me. ~Fenris. Summary: + I very much get that Viknar is into searching for artifacts and antiquities. I also think the concept of a traveling, well-to-do antiquities peddler is fascinating (and somewhat "Mummy"-like), appropriately Bagheera, and offers a variety of plot hooks for the future. In my wiz-opinion, I believe this is what should be focused on and fleshed out. + The British angle works very well with the above, and can certainly be explored further to describe why Viknar is so good with people. Perhaps he went to a private/boarding school, or dealt with a lot of VIPs when living with his parents. - My largest criticism is that I currently see no reason for Viknar to be rank 3. This concept would work perfectly well as rank 2 (and perhaps even rank 1, but I see enough movement and learning on Viknar's part to justify a promotion, there). The best way to convince me to allow Viknar as rank 3 would be to describe what exactly amounted to the man's promotion to ranks 2 and then 3. I don't need explicit detail describing the challenge he faced, but I need to know enough to understand why it was hard and why the spirits agreed the experience was harrowing enough to merit more responsibility. - And that's my next point. Rank 3 is approaching lieutenant-lieutenant commander and above. Even for Bastet, it demands some involvement in race politics and a wordly awareness. Now, I see that Viknar has plenty of traveling under his belt, and thus world awareness is already built into the app. What I need to see is a bit more of these vignettes mentioned. How did Viknar deal with the Bubasti? How did he work out a deal with the Khan? Perhaps these are excellent ways to explain why Viknar got his two ranks! Flesh them out. Even a few sentences could make a huge difference. + Ultimately, I see a lot of fab ideas, I just think they need to be tied together a bit more tightly. Feel free to poke me for further explanation! Personality... *While I can certainly understand a personality with several facets, I'm not following how the particular facets listed here are related (though I understand Bagheera have that three-fold thing going, so I see what you were trying to do). How does a) wanting lost information interface with b) being a good leader and c) a detached observer? I can see a) and c) working well in tandem, but those two seem mutually exclusive to b) without further explanation. I'm not saying this can't be done, but c) in particular seems questionable unless Mr. Bagheera here is viewing the world as a giant chess game with people as pawns. While this is unlikely to earn him any love, I could see it as a possibility; however, no such desire or motivation is mentioned anywhere in Viknar's History, and I don't get the feeling he's that much a manipulator. *Further, there's a lot listed here about Viknar's ability as a diplomat, or perhaps counselor or even sage, but I see no explanation in the history or otherwise that can offer me a firm grasp of why he's so good reading people. Where did he get the practice? How does he put it to use? I think his array of knowledges work very well with the concept, so I'm not too concerned there, though I would like to see more of a focus in that direction. For example: Where is he getting his antiquities? Why knowledge is he looking for specifically? And what's his essential motivation in this regard? What is keeping the man moving forward? Abilities... *Leadership: As mentioned above, my major issue here is this very high leadership score. I see no reason why Viknar would have anything above a 1 or 2 at the moment; there's simply no explanation in his history to describe where he got the experience necessary to justify a 4. *Knowledges: The other 3's I agree fit the concept very well, but I need to see how they're applied by Viknar. Otherwise, there's no reason for them not to be lower and still offer the same general effect. *Lore: Mage lore needs further justification. See Ratatosk's comment below. *Enigmas: I can see it thematically, but again, I don't see any real examples in the history or otherwise. *Crafts/Academics: As I've mentioned already, I an see this fitting as well, but I don't really see how it's been applied. I have to assume this knowledge/hobby/desire came from his affluent upbringing, and is used to purchase antiques whatnot. *Brawl/Firearms/Melee: Despite the fact he sucks at combat, he's done quite a bit of training. Does he really have no ability whatsoever in brawl or melee? Or even firearms? Not even a dot or two? Merits & Flaws... *Natural Leader: Concern as above. *Too Curious: I certainly see it thematically, but how has it landed him into trouble? Offer me an example. This can be woven in with a rank challenge and so on. *Ward: Being immune to the Delirium is a huge deal, as is popping Crinos in the rather blase way Viknar does. See Fox's explanation at the bottom of this page. "Marks on her neck" insinuates Vampirism, but old World of Darkness (oWoD) vampires choose who they Embrace Very Carefully; It's not like the willy-nilly of Buffy. Further, oWoD vampires don't leave behind bite marks 90%+ percent of the time; doing so is a violation of the Masquerade, which is a usually a Bad Idea (they can lick away the wounds). My immediate wizardly intuition is to suggest that this flaw be traded for another, as it doesn't seem to be doing anything to promote character development as the matter stands. If you are set on keeping this flaw, please speak with me so we can discuss exactly what you intended. See below for LA concerns. Backgrounds... *Allies: See Ratatosk's comment for issues with the Mage. Further, it's perfectly reasonable for Viknar to have his grandfather as an Ally, but an ally that powerful is at minimum allies 3, possibly 4. *Resources: I'm assuming the great bulk of this is from his inheritance, as there's no real clarification how much money he makes with his shop. Just shoot me a sentence worth of explanation or so. See below for discussion of his parents. History... *I don't mind hand waving a certain amount of early history, but these years are important in helping to solidify firm motivations. For example, where did his sudden desire for art come from? I see no mention of a love of such things in his early history. The same is true for Viknar's inclinations towards research and otherwise. *How did he end up in the warehouse? Were there any witnesses to the event? *How did he calm the Wild Panthers without any dots in Animal Ken? Alternatively he could have gone the Primal Urge route as seems to the case, but Viknar's Primal Urge is very low. For him to fall so deeply into the beast and understand cats so well, we're talking at least a 2, pushing 3 in Primal Urge. *The death of the parents is rather sudden. I don't have any problems with it, but I wonder if there wasn't some ulterior motive behind it. Did they have any enemies? Perhaps this could become a motivation for Viknar. It just seems to me that the brutal and sudden death of one's parents would have a bit more impact, somehow. *The sudden finding of the Jamak is a bit convenient. I don't have any problems with how it happened, but I want to know exactly what Viknar did that made Mantis interested enough to send an emissary to test him. *Via Malkav: According to the fluff, LA is the primary seat of the Anarch Free State. Here's a blurb: "Kindred who have not been there see the Free States as a vast playground for vampires, where the undead roam as they will, sup where they please and answer to no one for their actions. This has never been true, and Kindred who come to the Free States acting on that assumption will probably not last long." Hence, it's very unlikely that vampires are feeding so conspicuously, as they would be slapped before a tribunal of their peers the moment they got caught. If you want to app a story-plot explaining why there is trouble in LA, that will need to be discuss with Malkav. Alternatively, there can be other wyrm-related issues afoot. If you want to keep the Mage involvement, you may wish to speak to Ratatosk. See below. *Via Ratatosk: Not without considerable incentive or trust will a Mage (tradition or otherwise) tell the specifics of their tradition or any of their secrets. Getting the info from the horse's mouth as Viknar seems to be doing will require further explanation. Most Mage-Lore usually comes from observation and research, both of which fit well into Viknar's concept. This is perhaps another opportunity for Viknar to gain a rank: Getting information from a Mage, or perhaps aiding in the defeat of a big Wyrmthing in LA. ~Fenris. ------------------------------- One other quick note: *This may be just Viknar's understanding but I want to make doubly sure of the player's understanding as well. Relying on the Delirium is a Very Dangerous Thing™. So having him descend upon Amelia in Crinos is very much breaking the Veil and could have brought a lot of danger on his head. Example 1: Say a Big Bad is actually in there, and upon seeing the Crinos, skedaddles to tell Bigger Bad. Now he's in a hotter pot. Example 2: Say a regular mortal is in there, and gets the pants scared off of him, and then spreads rumors about the strange experience he had (which may have nothing whatsoever to do with him being a Crinos, but maybe 'it's haunted' or things of that nature) and thus puts down the reputation of his shop. This is something that *especially* a Rank 3 anything would know. It would be much better for him to just go down in homid, or even whateverit'scalledforBastet -- Chatro? The Glabro form? if you want to push it, and say he's in the darkness. Foxling 01:11, 16 July 2009 (UTC)